Relationships

After twelve years of marriage, I can honestly say that things are still not kosher in our relationship.  I have found out that time does change how it felt in the honeymoon stage compared to now.  Yes, many things will change - children, jobs, location, loved ones passing away - just to name a few.  Depending on the person and situations, (I forgot stress from work), how people react will affect how relationships can turn.
There was an article I read a few days ago and I found how true it is, including the direction of marriage can go, and how much we leave behind that euphoria, and I will tell you why some marriages dissolve more that being restored.  When it comes with how the social media (TV, music, etc) portrays people, it is little wonder who marriages and families have less fabric and foundation to stand on.
In the article, I read how dating is now affecting the youth and how they perceive the other sex.  Once in awhile I watch a show on Game Show Network called "Baggage," which in the way it starts the show only confirms what I read.  Jerry Springer begins the show asking the contestant  (this is a modern version of "the Dating Game," but with a twist that the contestants have baggage, or issues, that the main person if it is worth the issue in the dating) about what they are looking for in a partner, and most always respond what they want in a relationship.
Back to the article, in which today's society is now being taught about living together to "test the waters of marriage."  Also, the main issue is for these people to look for people that will benefit what they want and need.  Problem is, so is the other person.  Put these two times of personalities together and you may eventually get excuses to get married until the other person confirms to the opposite sides demands.  This usually never works.
The attitude passed on in the Bible makes mention of a "chain of command" through submission.  I also realized that marriage is not "you obey me -I submit to you" mentality, even though this is needed.  The days of yore had a whole different look at dating, and it has all but vanished. 
Years ago when I was first married, I ended up talking with a young woman who was mad over her last relationship, which did not go well.  Reason was she was pushing for a man to be her husband, and he eventually refused to succumb to this pressure.  (NOTE:  She was only nineteen.)  All she was doing was looking for a husband, but she neglected to realize she needed to be readied to be a wife.  She was taken aback, but soon understood how true it was.  Today, she has been married eight years, has a wonderful husband, and a little girl to boot. 
We are now taught to look into a relationship through a future possible partner for what we want and need, but nowhere do we look at how we can be FOR our future partner.  We no longer have the attitude to find a partner that we can help or lead, depending on the gender.  God created woman to be that help mate and companion, since God saw Adam did not have a partner and saw it was not good for man to be alone.  God created us equal, but different.  Man was created to lead the family, but not rule over his wife with a iron fist.  Likewise, the wife is to be the help mate, raise the children int he ways of the LORD, and be submissive as unto the LORD. 
Our attitude show be when we are "dating," the question shouldn't be what can they do for me, but also what we can do for them.  It isn't total servitude we are seeking, but there should be a healthy balance of both - what our partner should do for us, but are they willing and able to serve our needs.  As I said before, men and women are created different.  Men have physical needs, women have emotional needs.  When we keep this type of thinking in our marriage, it has a good chance to survive.  That's the "love" me and my wife had when we were in the honeymoon stage.  We couldn't wait to serve each other and our needs, because it was a win-win situation.  It was a wonderful circle that somehow became broken.
Don't go into a relationship with a "what can they do for me" attitude.  Ask yourself, "is this a person I would like to be with and submit to his/her needs?"  If you can't answer a possible yes for both, then the relationship does not have a good chance of surviving.   Neither should the attitude be in a "test drive" mentality, for neither one can be ready for a commitment yet.  Also, there may be a situation where one person was already married but it did not work well, either.  Rule of thumb is how they left  their last relationship is how they will enter their next one.  This includes you.
Our mate is not here to serve us for our purpose alone, but we need to be willing to meet our spouses needs.  If you are not willing to have that view, only two stubborn mules can mate, and that is in the animal kingdom.  Marriage works when both partners are freely willing to meet our spouses needs.  A me first attitude only works when we are alone.

Blessings
Michael
Jeremiah 6:16