Someone said that many want the blessings of God but few ever ask for the refiner's fire, and I have made the request twice. According to my flesh, I was stupid enough to go through this again, and compared to what was left from the former, the latter one is breaking anything I might have had left.
Nowhere in the Bible did Job ever ask to go through what he did. No where in the Bible can I find anyone make such a "noble request." It is best to tell you how I feel in the midst of this one, because I have no idea how I will get through this.
No matter what I attempt to step out to appease even my wife, things came crashing back at me, like huge ocean waves hitting the beach and destroying the castle you spend time to build. It appears anything I have tried to do comes back to bite me. Never have I ever wanted to walk away from everyone. All my confidence has been annihilated and smashed beyond any hope of recognition. I don't believe I can get any job, I don't believe that my wife believes in any of my abilities that don't coincide with what her happiness reqiests. I have lost all confidence in anything, any ability or any talent I had.
It is all gone. I don't know where to go from here.
I have had two churches reject me, yet, my wife says I should go. Yes, go where people don't believe in you unless you change for their clique. Truthfully, I don't know who I am anymore. I need God to tell me what is wrong. I just don't know anymore.