Rejection

For all those who have been in my shoes and actually found success, I applaud that God has blessed your efforts.  As for me, I turn 51 next week and I feel less worth than a pile of midget dog poo in the middle of the street.  I have actually reached my limit where I don't give a damn anymore and want to be alone for however breaths I have left.
I ponder why God leaves me in the condition that I am in.  People say they care but their actions speak loudly, and refuse to spend any time with me.  Everyone else is more important.   Why should anyone want to even think of someone like me.  I am back to having no job, God is back to His way of not speaking, at least the beggar was cradled by Abraham for such a miserable life he had to face.  
I cannot take the rejection anymore.  I had spent way much time filling out applications after I graduated tech college.  I had so much expectations only to get the silent treatment from countless employers.  I truly wonder if I fell off the face of the earth, would anyone care, besides my children?
I am no longer convinced that anyone is willing to take a chance on me.  I thought getting married would bring closure to my loneliness; it only brings more despair.  I sit day after day, night after night, lonely on the couch.  Now, whoever reads this is thinking that maybe I will blame someone else for this.  Nope, it has to be me.  All of it.  100%.  It always has been me.
How many times can a man take of getting let down on a consistent basis?  It is obvious that I am the problem and it is understandable that people like me, who have accomplished almost nothing in their life, and can't even get a call for a job interview from a gas station, why should I be on anyone's radar?
I don't regret getting married because of my wife.  I regret getting married because of me.  It appears I make a mess over everything I am part of.  This is the life God gave me.  Not everyone is blessed.  I was meant to be alone and I should have stayed away from anyone else.  For all those who knew me or I was part of the family...I am sorry.  Life would be better if I was not around.  I thought I had the key for my wife.  Her life is only getting worse, so it looks like I opened Pandora's Box.  Again, for all those who knew me, I hope life gets better for you.  If it is because you have stayed away, continue.  Act like you never knew me.  The curse will remain on me.
I am part of the unloveable group.  I no longer believe there is anyone on this earth today who could love me.  That's why I am lonely today. 

Michael