Sunday, November 25, 2012

Marriage

Ephes. 5:25
    Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Ephes. 5:33
    Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


I have been married for eleven years, so I do know a little bit on this subject.  Since I have been in matrimonial bliss for ONLY eleven years, I am far from being an expert on this, so most of this is based on much thought, some Scripture, and witness on relationships that worked for years and others that did not survive much test of time.
Everything that I bring is with the foundation that God has placed from the Garden of Eden:
Genesis 2:24
    Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.


No matter the argument, God made it stand:  a man and a woman.  No other combination is pleasing to God.  No other way can we redefine marriage.  No way can say that same sex relationships can bring forth family through sex.  It is impossible.  Now, I know they will argue about in vitro and adoption, but there is very little future of a homosexual society able to sustain itself in this lifestyle.  God purposely designed the plumbing of a man and a woman to function this way to reproduce.

Since that is simplified and out of the way, we will now move to why half of marriages today fail. But it is also crucial to see how the best marriages last over time.  Before I start, I need to say I have heard of marriages from over 50 to 60 years, some have survived affairs, others straight marital bliss.  I have no doubt that if spouses are willing to get through the hard times and valleys, they will have the strength to endure. 

The other thing I see ma be related to immaturity, I can only assume, but selfishness plays a key role to marriages not working.  Hear me out, I'm going to go through what I have seen as well as what I've went through and how God has dealt me on it. 

I do not know many, if any, people who put on masks to showcase the best sides while dating.  Certain teenagers will do this, especially males who are finding ways to manage their sudden hormones.  When we get older and decide relationships should get more serious, including those long term and eventual marriage, will put on the mask to better "chances" (to put it mildly) for finding the mate.  Most have that one mindset:  finding the mate best suited for us.  Problem that should be addresses as well:  we do not look for the mate that we can be best for them. 

I remember a young lady who was very adamant of looking into relationship for the purpose of marriage.  Her last relationship ended because he felt increasingly pressured to move into the engagement mode as soon as possible.  The ironic issue is she was only 19 or 20, plenty of time to let God find a mate for you.  When she stopped to tell me what happened, she cried out why she could not get a husband.  I told her God needed to prepare her to be wife.  For a second, she was ready to say something, then she stopped to think what I said.  It must have been prophetic.  Later, my wife and I prayed for her and a prophetic word came that she allowed God to prepare her for this, it would take two years, than she would know her future husband.  After I heard this story from her husband, the prophetic word came true.  Now they are expecting the first child next month.  I am very happy for them.

Some reason we have the tendency to look for a spouse that, in our eyes, would be perfect for us.  Sometimes we get reacquainted with old flames, hoping that fire from years before would grow into the mature stage.  Some hope to find that future mate that has many likes that we do.  So why do these magical moments last but a few?

In Genesis 2:24, the proclamation by God was announced that a man should leave his parents, cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become ONE flesh.  Cleave in the Hebrew is dabaq, which holds two meanings, both having relation to the passage.  One means to catch in pursuit, another is to be joined together.  So if we to be joined together, and be one flesh, we are also called to be joined together in spirit and soul.  There are two marriages - one as a witness to men, the other as a witness to God.  One is the marriage ceremony and ring exchanging, the other is sexual.  The latter involves the shedding in blood for the virgin wife.

This is the reason why God concerns with fornication, adultery and any other sex outside of His ordained marriage.  During sex, a soul tie is created, thus being bound to the person you became "one flesh" with as part of the action.  The more people you have a sexual encounter with, the more soul ties.  This includes the person, because he/she will have soul ties with all that person has done before.  This is the danger of why God says sex outside of marriage is dangerous.  Add to the issue that God designed that a man and a woman who keep their sex and vows between themselves would never get STD's (sexually transmitted diseases).  The more different people you have sex with, the increase you have to getting a STD.  If these soul ties aren't broken in the spirit, they will become part of the marriage in the bedroom.

Images can be a danger to the sanctity of the marriage as well.  Pornography has crippled many marriages.  From what I have went through (yes, I confess my struggles through this blog), it is a twofold dilemma.  One, it dilutes the beauty that your eyes should have for your wife.  There is no one else you should "lust" for, no other women you should want to be intimate with, that is reserved for your wife.  Imagining through the images of pornography what you may want your wife to be will begin to diminish your visual of what your wife should be in your heart.  Once that grows to a point, other assumptions will begin to take root in your heart, eventually she will not measure by the ideal view you have envisioned of your wife. 

Second, if you imagine you lusted in your heart with this image, you commit adultery in your heart.  Why do some scream if your spouse sees an old flame and thinks for a moment about what times were like and we become jealous, but we look at pornography and blame it on our spouse?  

What is missing?  IMHO, a few Scriptures tells it all, if you believe in Biblical truth:

Ephes. 5:21-23,25,33
    Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body....Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it...Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


Submit doesn't necessarily mean you order each other around and the other must obey.  This is to provide one to meet the others needs.  Women have emotional needs, husbands should meet them.  Men have physical needs, wives should meet them.  Simple and straightforward, huh?

Now comes the tricky part.  Husbands ARE the head, or authority, of the woman and the family.  Started in the Garden of Eden after the fruit episode with the serpent, hasn't changed since.  The first part of a successful marriage is acknowledging the hierarchy of the chain of command.  Yes, it doesn't mean to rule with dictatorship, a godly man would not do that.  Just in case you are ready to argue that point.

First thing is for the husband to love their wives AS Christ loved the church.  He gave everything for His bride, we are to have the same attitude.  Then it says for the wife to reverence (fear, respect deeply) their husbands.  NOWHERE does God command the wive to love her husband, or for a husband to respect his wife.  It is natural for a man to respect others, as needed, as well as a woman to love someone.  But it is difficult for a man to love someone who expects it, and for a woman to respect who wants it.  

It is up to the wives to respect their husbands.  This is all in retrospect of husbands loving them, so the wife is the respect, or literally, reverence their covering.  It is a two way street, but you should avoid the "circle trap."  "He isn't meeting my emotional needs, so I won't meet his."  Or it stops the opposite, "she isn't having sex with me, so I won't meet her emotional needs," starts the endless cycle until one, or both, decides to end it.  The best is to avert it altogether.

Most honeymoons are great, but that is because most of us have not felt comfortable enough to take off for our spouse.  Depending on variables, after two years is when we "forget" about the mask.  As far as me, my wife was previously married, so she had a head start on me concerning marriage.  I was also in what I call a "phantom marriage," which is where on person imagines, or treats, the relationship as a marriage.  Strangely, I was not made aware of this arrangement, so I did not plan my days as such.  How it ended up it easy to imagine. 

Some of us lose focus of why we became married in the first place.  Love is an action verb, it requires doing something, it requires for us to give, not just to take.  When a spouse gets to the point where they looking for what they can get without any thought of giving, the foundation of marriage begins to erode.  Until both spouses change this mindset, it may get to the point where neither want to repair. 

There are relationships/marriages where it should never have been together.  With no remorse on my part, I have seen marriages where one person refuses to be faithful.  Some hope that the cheating spouse will change, some don't care, a few don't know about it til its too late.  They either have affairs to get what they are getting in their marriage, or they already had that mentality before they got married.   I have seen some "settle down" and no longer pursue other sexual encounters.  So there is hope.

Bottom line.   A three strand cord is not easily broken.  There are two in a marriage, who is the third "strand?"  God.  Yes, marriages can survive on two, but a three strand marriage, especially with God in the middle, can withstand everything.  

Remember what your spouse needs, not just look for what you want.  I have been always amazed how some have lasted fifty, sixty, even seventy years.  The late Art Linkletter kept Hollywood's influence out of his marriage.  It had to, for it lasted almost 75 years!  I won't live that long to break it, but "until death do you part" is the only thing that will break our marriage.  It shouldn't be for anything else.

See what you can do for your spouse, not what your spouse can do for you.  Your marriage may depend on it.


Blessings,


Michael
Joel 3:9


No comments:

Post a Comment

I, as moderator of this blog, hold the right to disregard and remove all comments that are hatred by nature. I uphold the rights of opinion and know there will be disagreements. This does not allow spewing of hate for another view for satisfaction. I am open to debate, but it should be kept civil, tranquil (if possible), and Biblical.
Thanks